{"id":350,"date":"2011-09-15T11:08:22","date_gmt":"2011-09-15T18:08:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/laurarothafel.com\/?p=350"},"modified":"2011-10-12T09:34:35","modified_gmt":"2011-10-12T16:34:35","slug":"power-of-one","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.laurarothafel.com\/?p=350","title":{"rendered":"Power of One"},"content":{"rendered":"

It only takes ONE!<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

It only takes one person to change a mood or pick a fight. \u00a0One event, like 9\/11 or the break up of a family, can change how we experience the world. \u00a0It takes only one person to speak up and share an idea and it only takes one to listen. We have heard \u201cthe power of one,\u201d as a book, movie title, slogan, or inspirational video. Why is this so important? \u00a0Because you can be the \u201cONE\u201d to make the changes in your life.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s Explore a Scenario –<\/strong><\/h2>\n

How many times did you do a chore that you had delegated to someone else because you got tired of nagging, the timing was off, or it was not done to your expectations? \u00a0For example, think about how it feels when you ask someone to come back and \u201cfinish the kitchen?\u201d \u00a0They look at you like you\u2019re crazy because cleaning the pots, wiping down the counter and rinsing out the sink is not really part of the dinner dishes…according to them.<\/p>\n

Often it is seems easier to do the task yourself the way you want it done. \u00a0It takes more effort to track down the culprit. Then, you have to interrupt them from their computer game or TV show. \u00a0Next, you have to be clear on what specifically\u00a0needs to be done. \u00a0There is the usual negotiating that goes on like doing \u201cit\u201d after the show is over and of course you say \u201cYES\u201d because you accommodate. It feels like you are asking them to do something for you personally when in reality it is for the greater good of the household. \u00a0And, I am sure you are not surprised when they conveniently forget!<\/p>\n

\n

Decision Point:<\/strong>
\nDo you repeat the sequence
\nor just do the task?<\/h2>\n<\/blockquote>\n

If you do the task you are setting yourself up for failure. \u00a0 You are letting them know that if they do a lousy job you will fix it. \u00a0Your expectations of them have been lowered. \u00a0As a \u00a0result the message conveyed is you don\u2019t mean what you say. \u00a0You\u2019re not important enough to be taken seriously. Your time and energy does not really matter.<\/p>\n

OR<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Instead, you decide to repeat the sequence up to a point. It changes when you say<\/p>\n

\u201cNO. Please do it now.\u201d \u00a0Initially, you might be met with resistance because you are now beginning to follow through. \u00a0You may even be referred to as \u201ccranky\u201d or some other choice word because you speak up and set limits. \u00a0You refuse to be taken for granted. \u00a0You no longer keep the peace… at your expense. \u00a0 This becomes your new pattern of behavior and your new message. \u00a0Don\u2019t worry. They will adjust.<\/p>\n

Use Your Power<\/strong><\/h2>\n

This answer is simple in theory but can be difficult in practice. \u00a0 So many of us give our power away. \u00a0We let others control our mood, time and money. \u00a0We sabotage ourselves using a faulty belief system about who we are as individuals. \u00a0We are unsure and afraid to make necessary changes in our lives in order experience contentment.<\/p>\n

When we experience life with limited power, the uncomfortable feelings of helplessness and depression can easily take hold. There are some things we can\u2019t control like illness, natural disasters, or death of a loved one. There are other things in life that we believe we are powerless to change like the rules or structure of our household or the energy in a relationship. \u00a0But, it is not true. How we choose to deal with situations and\/or our thoughts and feelings can make all the difference in our life.<\/p>\n

Less Is More Than Nothing<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Many times I have heard people wanting to go to family therapy or couples counseling but didn\u2019t because their partner didn\u2019t want to go. \u00a0The unhappy person is usually willing to seek help, \u00a0while the person who is indifferent and satisfied enough with the relationship, refuses.<\/p>\n

And, when parents get frustrated enough, they send their children to therapy or counseling, often kicking and screaming. \u00a0It is the parents that need the most help and support. It is so difficult to follow through and maintain consistency when exhausted or preoccupied with the responsibilities of life. It\u2019s similar to puppy training, the trainer(therapist) spends an hour per week and the master(parent) deals with problem behaviors for the other 167 hours! \u00a0Let\u2019s face it, kids like puppies, are relentless when it comes to getting our attention.<\/p>\n

It is usually a crisis that forces people to call for help. \u00a0There is an event or situation that tips the scale. \u00a0A point is reached where something must give if they are to cope. \u00a0Unfortunately, the relationship is very strained and filled with resentment.<\/p>\n

Be The One<\/strong><\/h2>\n

It only takes one person to begin the process of change. \u00a0Think of a baby mobile…if you move only one part…the other parts shift too. \u00a0Apply this concept to a family and just like a mobile it is possible to make it change. \u00a0If unhappy, you can create movement to make it different.<\/p>\n

There are times in our life when our courage kicks in and\/or our frustration and anger take over. We speak up for what we want and need. Change is possible if we stay strong. \u00a0However, there is a tendency for relationships to return to homeostasis when we are no longer frustrated and angry. \u00a0It is in the staying strong with the desired change that we create the new status quo.<\/p>\n

Tips to Take Back Your Power<\/strong><\/h2>\n
    \n
  • Speak up for what you need and want.<\/li>\n
  • Be clear and concise.<\/li>\n
  • Offer concrete solutions to the problem.<\/li>\n
  • Don\u2019t assume they know what you want or need.<\/li>\n
  • Don\u2019t hint. \u00a0Be direct but polite.<\/li>\n
  • Don\u2019t give up unless you are ending the relationship.<\/li>\n
  • Get professional help with someone who focuses on communication.<\/li>\n
  • Be responsible for your own happiness.<\/li>\n
  • Remember there is always a choice.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    It is important to remember that a person who asserts their own personal power in a relationship is more likely to be happy and respected. \u00a0If the idea of counseling or therapy has been thought of or suggested, take action. \u00a0It doesn\u2019t matter if no one else wants to go! \u00a0If you want change in your life, whether it is with your mate, kids, friends or co-workers, then you need to focus on how to make changes that will benefit the relationship. Be \u201cThe One\u201d in your life to make a difference.<\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    It only takes ONE! It only takes one person to change a mood or pick a fight. \u00a0One event, like 9\/11 or the break up of a family, can change how we experience the world. \u00a0It takes only one person to speak up and share an idea and it only takes one to listen. We…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[5,23,6,27,7,8,9,17,10,11,13,12,19,24,15,20,26,14,18,22,21,16,25],"class_list":["post-350","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-addiction","tag-anaheim-hills","tag-anxiety","tag-california","tag-career-stress","tag-co-dependency","tag-communication","tag-counseling","tag-crisis-intervention","tag-depression","tag-eldergeriatrics","tag-employment-issues","tag-family-therapy","tag-irvine","tag-mid-life-issues","tag-orange","tag-orange-county","tag-process-of-aging","tag-supervision","tag-tustin","tag-villa-park","tag-womens-issues","tag-yorba-linda"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.laurarothafel.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/350","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.laurarothafel.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.laurarothafel.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.laurarothafel.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.laurarothafel.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=350"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.laurarothafel.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/350\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.laurarothafel.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=350"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.laurarothafel.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=350"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.laurarothafel.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=350"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}